Tuesday, 30 October 2012

Three things I have learned this week (part two)

More from the hinterlands of my brain, the latest instalment in an occasional series, perhaps more aptly titled "things that have mostly pissed me off recently".

1.  No-one uses their indicators any more.

Seriously. No-one does.  My driving tends to be fairly local, around the town and winding lanes of Godalming and surrounding area.  I can tell you that the vast majority of people around here do not use their indicators.  Is this a local phenomenon, peculiar to this area? Is it because there is a recession on and people are worried about the cost of replacement bulbs, should they wear those lights out from excessive use?  I'm actually considering popping a video camera on my dashboard and setting up a "People not using their indicators at roundabouts / junctions / anywhere they might be useful to indicate directionality" Tumblr.  What this space.  

1b. Saw an idiot driving through Godalming with no lights on at all yesterday at about 5 o'clock. Idiot.

2. Adverts on commercial radio can be astonishingly awful.

Since I realised that I was too old for Radio 1, on the basis that pretty much everyone on there started annoying the shit out of me, I have taken to listening to Eagle Radio. I'm not against commercial radio as a principle, but some of the adverts are just awful. There's one at the moment for Next.  A national retailer. They must have money for advertising creative to try something cool. But instead they go for a really lazy ad, that requires two poor actresses to utter the immortal words:

Embarrassed Actress One: "Great! What's the website again?"
Dismayed Actress Two (having already mentioned the website to idiot 'friend'): "next.co.uk!" (subtext, "jeeeeez, just Google it already, or take a stab in the frigging dark")

Surely it's possible to come up with a smarter, more subtle way of getting the point across. And don't even get me started about the ad that tries to tell me that it's best if my kitchen stoneware and bathroom tiles "work together as one".  They're frigging tiles, love. In completely separate rooms. I'm quite happy if they do their own thing.

3.  Murdoch really loves sweetcorn.

In a surprising "something that hasn't pissed me off" entry at number three, Murdoch has discovered sweetcorn.  It's been growing in the fields where we walk for months, but over the past week or so, the idiot hound has realised that it's really nice. As a result, I see very little of him during our walks as he slopes off into the field to help himself (sorry farmer, I think he eats much less than the deer!). The end result of this is *ahem* interesting, as Murdoch is now pooping something that is 90% sweetcorn held together by small amounts of poo. Good times.
Murdoch's in there somewhere. Eating corn. Yup.

Friday, 5 October 2012

Three things I have learned this week

A brief round up of things that have occurred to me this week.  Actually, it's more a list of things that have peed me off this week.  I've kept it to three things.  We'd be here all day if I listed everything that annoyed me on a weekly basis :)

1.  Coming back to work after a holiday really sucks.

It really does.  It's just awful.  I don't think it matters what your job is.  You could work on a fluffy bed of cotton wool with marshmallows and unicorns and it would still be a dreadful shock to come back after a holiday. Gah.

2. Cadbury sucks (and sometimes I get unfeasibly mad at things that probably don't matter much).

On Wednesday, I got really mad when I read this article about a new chocolate bar that Cadbury is launching.  It's not that I'm against new chocolate.  In fact I'm all for it.  Bring on the chocolate I say.  What has really irked me about this is the way that Cadbury has decided to market this to women.  The new Crispello bar is supplied in three sections and comes in a resealable wrapper "so it can be eaten one piece at a time and saved for later", presumably so that we can all nibble on it like ladies are supposed to.  Which in turn implies that any woman who actually just wants to eat a bar of bloody chocolate is not quite ladylike and is in fact DOING IT WRONG. Well hoohaa to you Cadbury and your astonishingly dimwitted marketing types who probably never spoke to any actual women about this.  I am going to continue buying normal sized chocolate bars, when I happen to fancy some chocolate, and I'm going to eat as much of it as I like, even if that is *gasp* the WHOLE BLOODY BAR IN ONE SITTING.  And it won't be a Cadbury bar until you cease and desist with this stupid crap. Hurumph.

3. Liam Gallagher is an unmitigated twat who likes to "wind his dogs up" (and sometimes I get righteously mad at things that really matter). 

This story makes me feel very, very angry.  Apparently Mr Gallagher recently said "I like winding me dogs up. I just stand there with the lead, shaking it for ages until they're shitting and peeing all over the floor. And I'm stood there going: 'Walkies!' Then I sit back down again."

Well let me tell you, Liam.  I'd like to get my leather dog lead and "shake" it vigorously at you, in the general area of your testicles.  See how you like it. What a [insert rudest word you know here].

PS - Liam, if you're going to make a career out of slagging off your brother, maybe you shouldn't carry on singing his songs at Olympic closing ceremonies etc. Just a thought.